U.S.C.S.F.

I've never done well when learning something under pressure... but there are SO many things out there I would LOVE to learn, but apparently, the only way to learn them is to subject oneself to the arduous journey that is boot camp.

I speak of the military arts. Now let me be clear, these are not the same as martial arts. Although they are combative, the intent of martial arts may not be purely so. Many practice some martial art or other for a variety of reasons; exercises to develop things like speed, stamina, strength, flexibility and coordination, or perhaps they wish to use martial arts as a spiritual journey that delves deeper into one's own personal psyche. Whatever the case may be, they are only one of the many assets that are employed by the Armed Forces.

I have been fascinated by our military for some time now, and if I felt called to it, I would join it in a heartbeat. As a matter of fact, one of my friends is already in the Army, and my best friend is going to join the Coast Guard at the first chance he gets, and he's invited me to go with him. I'm considering it. I've never liked the thought of boot camp. I don't mind being told what to do, and I would love what I was being taught; it's the way they teach me that would grate on my nerves. Having said that, I can still understand why they teach the way they do. If you can't handle Basic Training, there's no WAY you'll make it in an armed conflict. But still, I like the thought of having a friend there to bear it with me. I made the decision earlier this year that if I graduate and still have made no headway in finding out where I belong in life, I will be joining the National Guard. Unfortunately, that can only be a part-time engagement, and it's not enough to make a career out of. When my buddy asked me if I'd like to go with him, I told him I'm not at home in water the way I am on land. He's the fish, not me... then I found out about the diversity of the Coast Guard. Did you know that even they employ snipers?!

THIS would be me getting back to the original topic of conversation. I've been a martial artist for 16 years. I can fight unarmed and armed with knives, which I can also throw. I have received training in wielding a handgun which I plan on expanding. I am experienced in moving quickly and quietly over many obstacles when I must. I have also been told I'm a good listener (remember this point, it comes back later).

Now here's what I would LIKE to learn: how to properly apply camouflage face paint. How to shoot well at long distances, which means being able to adjust for things like wind, elevation and humidity. How to clear a building, whether alone or with partners. How to notice key elements in one's surroundings, like who's carrying a weapon, if they know how to use it to its maximum potential, and if threatened, how I can neutralize it. How to outsmart someone I am pursuing, or someone pursuing me. How to negotiate with someone who has a gun pressed against his head, or that of another's (remember that point about being a good listener?). How to silently communicate with someone across the room.

Now all of these and MANY more way cool things can be learned at academies for people who eventually become soldiers, Marines, SEALS, Green Berets, Rangers, FBI agents or SWAT team members. Which is great!... but what about us folks who may not be up to some of the other challenges of boot camp?

I'm not saying I'm not up to the challenge, and I'm not trying to make excuses for not joining up. I'm simply wondering how one goes about learning these kinds of things if one's plans do not include a career in the Armed Forces...

I've had this little thought picking at my mind for a little while, now, and I like the thought, even though it's probably HIGHLY impractical, but there are some logical points to it. I believe that as many people as possible should learn how to handle themselves in a worst-case scenario, whether that be a purse-snatching to attempted rape or even murder. Here are three scenarios (granted, one is MUCH less realistic than the others) which illustrate my points:

A man walks into the grocery store and either does not notice or chooses to ignore the two dark figures lounging at the corner of the building smoking cigarrettes and watching him. Ten minutes later, the man exits the grocery store with his hands full of bags and does not see the two men follow him to his car and grab him from behind, stabbing him swiftly in the back before he can cry out. They lay him down between the cars, snatch his wallet, stand, and WALK away, knowing that running would only attract attention.

That scenario was told to me by Tom Givens, the man who taught my concealed-carry permit class, and it illustrates that ultimately, the best weapon is nothing anyone can see, but your own mindset. Now these other scenarios are a bit more triumphant.

On your very stereotypical dark and stormy evening, a woman is alone in her home when the electricity blinks out. Eh, no biggie, just a power outage in a storm, happens all the time... but then she looks out her window and notices that every other house on the street is still lit up like a Christmas tree. Curious, she picks up her phone to call the power company or a neighbor, but the phone is dead, too... then the doorbell rings. She has two options: One, go to the door and see who it is. Two, ignore the doorbell by pretending no one is home whilst making sure her cell phone is charged. Let's say she's a clever girl and decides not to go to the door. It's a good choice, considering the house caller has now broken the glass of a nearby window and is now crawling inside. Now the woman's choice is very clear. Make for the bedroom, close the door, and shoulder the shotgun whilst standing far enough away to let the door swing open before she pulls the trigger.

(This last scenario is the really un-realistic one, but still possible... and it's my blog, and I enjoy writing this kind of thing anyway, so deal!)

You've been blessed with a beautiful home with an even more beautiful lawn that sweeps from the street about 100 yards to your front door. Your bedroom boasts a window balcony with a genuine first class view of said front lawn and street, as well as the house directly across from you, inhabited by a very charming young man who has had the sad misfortune of dating a woman with a history of violent obsession, and has not taken her medication in quite some time. One fine Saturday morning, you wake and pull yourself out of bed to find a dazzling sunshine beaming down on a horrific scene. Across the street, you can see your nieghbor, still clad in a fuzzy robe and slippers bending down to retrieve his newspaper, when all of a sudden, PsychoLady runs up to him, apparently screaming obscenities because of his recent break up with her. Before the man can even raise his head in surprise, she clouts him over the head with a Louisville Slugger and appears to have every intention of having at him whilst he is incapacitated. Now YOU are the one with a choice. You could call the police. You could even conceivably jump off the balcony, and assuming you broke nothing, could start tearing like a shot towards them to do something heroic. You could also go back to bed, and when the police finally arrive, you can lie, telling them you never saw a thing, which they could not possibly disprove... or, you can reach for the .308 Winchester, rest it on the balcony, settle the cross-hairs, taking into account 100 yards- no, wait, they're across the street, so make it 110 yards (give or take a few feet) with a slight cross-breeze, and squeeze the trigger.

...I seem to have gotten long-winded and seemingly paranoid about this subject. I apologize. I am in no way an extremist or a vigilante. I do, however, possess an over-active imagination and a desire to learn certain things.

Anyway, the upshot and point of all of this is where the people in these scenarios could get the kind of training that would save their own lives or those of others without having to leave their families, friends and careers behind, or having to be yelled down by drill instructors. Just because people don't want to go into battle doesn't mean they don't want the knowledge.

I call it U.S.C.S.F.
United States Civilian Special Forces

I just know I'm going to get a heck of a lot of criticism for this, but you know what... I don't mind, this time. What are your thoughts? Am I crazy? Off my rocker? The deep end? Call the men in white lab coats?... Am I making anyone nervous? I'll be waiting!