Pain, Changes and Beliefs

::sigh:: So much change in such a long time, and not all of it very good at all.

I'm sorry for not posting in a really long time, but right now, I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life. There is actually more than one contributing factor to that, and I'm not going to go into them all. Suffice it to say that at the moment, the world seems a dark, gloomy place, and the weather isn't helping. I hate winter. The cold is bitter, and everything I love in nature seems to die in front of me. All the gorgeous green fades away, and my most beloved places in the world, the forests, are left desolate and bare, seemingly devoid of any life at all, painfully unable to lift me up, away from my cares and woes.

This pain I feel at the moment might not be so bad if I'd experienced it at some point or another in my life, but nothing's ever really prepared me for something like this. It might not be so bad either if it would actually stop! The event which caused most of this happened months ago, and I would have thought that some kind of progress might have been made by now, and I suppose some has, but it still keeps me up at night, and I hate it.

I want things to go back to the way they used to be, even though I think I can understand why they changed... but things can change again, can't they? People learn from the pains and experiences in their lives, and they grow into better people.

Not everything recently has been bad experience. I was a traveling salesman in The Music Man when it came to the Harrell Theater in Collierville, and that was lots of fun. I plan on doing more theater in the future, and maybe even looking around for an agent somewhere.

My taekwondo instructor asked me when I was testing for my fourth degree. When I said I didn't know, he said he wanted me to test in March. I said "Yes, sir" and commented that I suppose I'd gotten complacent with where I was in my career with taekwondo, to which my instructor looked at me and said "Constant and Never Ending Improvement." This motto is the core, the very foundation of our taekwondo federation, and it convicted me pretty hard.

When it comes down to it, I'm a slacker. It's reflected in practically everything I do. There's almost no such thing as consistency in my life. I don't practice anything regularly, my study habits have never been good, I've never completed any personal projects I can think of, and my moods and actions are at best, erratic.

But all that can change, too. I guess I needed some kind of goal, or maybe I was just looking for something to do, but I've started working out again, and it feels good to realize how much I haven't forgotten, and to simply try and imagine how much more I could be capable of.

In this randomly traveled path I walk in trying to improve myself (however roundabout my route may be) I have taken the courses and acuired a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Many people will ask why, and even after I explain my reasons, many will still not understand, and that's ok, as long as no one tries to convince me to change my mind about it.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I am not paranoid or in fear for my life from anyone specific. I am simply exercising my Second Amendment right to bear arms. This world is broken and dangerous, and there are only three kinds of people in it. Most people are sheep, defenseless, oblivious and perfectly content to keep going from blade of grass to blade of grass. They are preyed upon by the wolves who seek out an easy meal at the expense of life. These wolves are why there must be the sheepdogs. They may not be able to protect the entire flock, but they are certainly formidable and will defend themselves and others at whatever cost.

Many people believe that the police are our sheepdogs, but it is not true. The police are purely a rectionary force. They are not called to any crime scene until there is a crime committed, and that could take a lethally long time. I plan on preventing something from happening for the police to investigate and becoming another statistic.

THAT is what this is all about. Ironically, the very heart of every martial art in the world is the concept of defense. These days, the gun is the new sword. Only the weapons of warriors have changed through the ages, not the mindset. "The idea is not to hurt your enemy, but to stop them from hurting you" whatever that may take, and sadly, that sometimes means taking their life to save your own or that of another.

I am not a murderer. I do not want to kill another human being, and I will do whatever I can to avoid it, but if I must, I will not shy from pulling the trigger to save my own life or the life of someone I love.

I can sit here and type out so very many horror stories that could have been stopped had the victim had a weapon, or even stories where the victims came out on top, or I could spell out the figures that cite the verifiable fact that when citizens are armed, violent crime rates drop like proverbial rocks, but the upshot of the whole thing is that people understand why I carry a weapon and am not afraid to use it if I have to, even though I hope I never do.

I see the right to keep and bear arms as more than just a privilege: it's a responsibility. Our Constitution is stained with the blood of men who died to defend the ideas written there, the very cornerstone of our country, the foundation of which is NOT religion, but nothing less than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Cornerstones are just that: stone. They are inflexible, unyielding and unchangeable, or at least they should be. To seek the alteration of what those men died for is to mock their memory and belittle their sacrifice.

I may not be a warrior, but I am a fighter, and I may not be a soldier, but I am a patriot of what is undoubtedly the greatest nation on Earth, probably the greatest nation the world has ever seen. We are stronger, freer, and better people than any others in History, and that is because of our roots. I wear this weapon as a symbol of what I believe and as a tribute to the men from whom we are descended, whose legacy lives and even thrives today in the hearts of those who take the time to learn where we come from and honor it.

God bless, there's a lot of other stuff going through my head right now, but I'm glad to have written this much, and appreciate the time you've taken to read it all. I feel better, now. Drop me a line to let me know that people are still glancing here every now and then, if you don't mind.

Thanks again.