What is a champion?

I've been in a mood, lately, and I love being in that mood. I want to stay in this mood for the rest of my life. I'm in love!

I've never been a champion before. I've always wanted to be, but I suppose I never really had a reason to be except for inner desire. I guess that just wasn't enough. In a way, I think it's a sad illustration of how my lack of discipline has pretty much defined my life. I used to have daydreams of running away from...everything. School, the idea of work, of growing up at all. I wanted to be able to say I could just take my bow, a knife, and run. I could live, couldn't I?

Maybe if I had run, I would have been able to learn how to live. I wouldn't have had any choice. But then, I wouldn't have met Lanelle.

Somedays, she's the only thing that keeps me going to...everything! School, mostly. In a broader sense, the idea of growing up. The thought of her being here is even better! I love her entirely, and I'd do anything for her, including growing up.

I always wanted some kind of enemy to fight. I still feel like I kind of need something to conquer to make myself feel worth all the things I have in my life. I never stopped to think that the enemy I had to fight... was me.

It's not as satisfying for me as a guy to not have someone or something to fight physically. My opponents are spiritual, mental, emotional,... ethereal. To put it bluntly, I hate it. There's no dragon to slay, no evil lord to overthrow, nothing for my sword to cut down. I don't trust my mind as much as I do my strength. I wasn't strong enough to grow up sooner, so of course I doubt my strength now. I've trained my body for combat for 15 years, desperately wanting someone, something to fight. I know there is ability in me. Why would God train me, if for no enemy to fight?! I've been waiting for one since 1992. I was only a 9 year old boy, then, and now I'm what? A 24 year old boy. But now I'm in love! And it makes all the difference in the world!

I grow because I have to in order to make a life for us together. There is nothing I love the thought of more in life. I want to spend the rest of it with Lanelle. And I will, even if I have to fight myself to do it. Being a champion is having something to fight for, recognizing a threat and standing up to it, no matter what it takes.

I love Lanelle! God help me against enemies that threaten me, her, and us.

Amen.