My Night With God!

Last Sunday night, I was down in the dumps, and was talking to a friend of mine. Mostly about relationships and my lack of one, and how I longed for one, and my friend kept going on about me trusting God, and feeling secure in Him... because I don't. There was a lot more said, and most of it was very convicting. Towards the end of it, I simply felt like crying... but that was a good thing. So I told my friend I wanted to cry about this, and they said alright, but they prayed for me first.

At first, all I did was cry... I'm not entirely sure why. I think I just wanted to feel loved, so I begged for it. I just sobbed my heart out like I rarely have before, and let the tears flow.

BUT I WAS ANSWERED! I have NEVER felt such a feeling before! I have been a Christian most of my life, but I have rarely, if ever, felt such a presence! I was held, and I was comforted by what I felt was nothing less than the Creator! I'm also fairly certain there was at least one angel there, but I was in a state of shocked awe at the time, so I can barely account for any of my feelings or thought processes going on. I simply cried and cried and kept on crying, sitting on the floor, curled up into a ball, incoherently talking to God. Mostly, I was simply thanking Him for what I was experiencing, and didn't want to stop. Eventually, though, things got messy, so I stood to go to the bathroom, but it was dark, and I got scared. So I told God my fear as I went into the bathroom and turned on the light and the sink, and I loved the feel of clear, cold water in my hands and on my face. Briefly, it flashed into my head that water was a powerful symbol, depicting the purity of the soul after its sins are washed away.

And it was there, I began to fight. I began verbally rebuking whoever, whatever I was afraid of, invoking the name of Christ over and over again, and then I knew its name! It was Despair, and I ordered him to leave me, in the name of Christ, leave me and my family and never come back. It took a while, but I kept fighting, and eventually I won.

I don't know how I knew that he had gone, but I am certain that he left, and I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror, wondering if my eyes were ever really that blue, or only after I cried. It sounds so vain to say it now, but I will say that my heart was pounding, but not in fear, and I was able to hold my back straighter than I have in a very long time.

I had WON! This feeling, this triumph, was something I have always dreamed of, but never imagined would feel so powerful! This absolute feeling of unadulterated victory made me positively dizzy, and it took me quite a while to come down off the high, during which I called my friend back and told them everything, and then went inside to wake my mother and tell her, too.

So now I know! Having been a martial artist for so long, I understand what it feels like to win. I remember and revel in the feel of goosebumps and chills on my skin, when the adrenalin is rushing like a river, and my heart is pounding, the beat of my blood loud in my ears. But this is all physical. What I experienced tonight was entirely spiritual and emotional, and as I have said before, it was so much HIGHER than anything I could have ever dreamed!

I now have a night that I can look back at and say "I have fought, and I have won. THIS is freedom. THIS is the power and victory that God grants us through the sacrifice of his Son!" I now consider myself a warrior in a way I never thought of before, and it is my fervent prayer that everyone in my life someday experiences this feeling, too! I swear to you, it will blow your mind!