Frustration in Paradise

::sigh:: Well, thanks to the people who actually responded. By this point, I've got too much to blog about to not continue, so I will...continue, that is.

Firstly, the Barony of Grey Niche (Memphis) had it's annual event called Beltaine last weekend, and it was lots of fun. It was a brand new site out in the middle of the woods, which was perfect. The only drawbacks were that the kitchen was miniscule and there were no cabins. Neither were problems for me or Billy, since we daytripped and ate with Uther and Kenna's household. Dave and K.C. actually stopped by and had fun, too. There were lots of tournaments, including archery, in which I won a matched pair of tooled leather bracers. I'm gonna have to show them off sometime. Uther finally won the Silver Torc Tournament, which he's been trying to win for the past 15 years, and he and one of his good friends, Ashi, are now qualified for the annual Tournament of Champions. In court, Baron Dulinn "died" and was succeeded by the new baron and baroness, my friends Mahsheed and Dagan.

The next week was the last of my finals! Thank God, only a year left. On Thursday, Dad and I left for Clarksville for the Tennessee Classic shoot, sponsored by the Twin Oaks archery club. The land it's on is amazing. Nothing but one big, giant forest with hills and small mountains, a few fields, and large creek. I was in heaven for days! At the shoot, they also have what's called the Selfbow Challenge. You register for it, buy a stave, find a guide to teach you how to make a bow, and compete with it when you finish. I bought a stave last year, but didn't finish it, so I brought it back this year. Unfortunately, I took off too much wood in certain places, and now my bow has a bad hinge, which really can't be fixed unless I'm willing to turn it into a kid's bow, which I might do. It was very frustrating, though, and there were several points when I just wanted to chuck the whole thing into the campfire. On the up side, I did learn some cool tricks about stringmaking, which will come in really handy, especially since Dad bought some string for us to practice on. I also learned some cool methods of making fire without matches. I know, I know, standard Boy Scout stuff, but it was still lots of fun. There were flint-knappers, merchants and vendors, good food, great people, long walks, sweet shots and fun conversations.

The one problem I had with this weekend was with myself. I find myself utterly frustrated. I should have shot much MUCH better than I did, but most of it had to do with my bowstring. I was getting worried that it was beginning to fray, and I didn't want it to snap on me, so I switched it out for a bowstring I had made, and immediately and instantly shot like hell. Before I switched strings, I was able to pick a spot no bigger than a half dollar and consistently hit it from twenty yards. Now, I'm lucky to hit a pie plate from there. First I started getting arrow-porpoise, so I raised my nocking-point like a good little thinker, but now I've got arrow-fishtail! I know it's not my brace height, and I really don't think I'm shooting differently. I have absolutely no idea why my shooting has gone to pot. It's downright infuriating, and I find myself burning with a slow simmering anger that's not good for me.

Lanelle and I had a long conversation Friday night, too. We basically talked out the fact that we realized that we've gotten distracted with each other. Our focuses have not been God, and we need to change it, so we kicked around a few ideas and eventually settled on her idea to go a week being just friends. Let me say this emphatically: We're not breaking up or going separate ways! This idea/experiment is designed to remind us that we are supposed to be pushing each other towards God. The fact that we come closer together in the process is a pleasant by-product.

Like I said earlier, I'm angry with myself tonight. I should never have lost focus of my goal of pushing Lanelle closer to God, and I should never have goten so sidetracked with myself...and my archery, my passionate pastime, is suffering, and I don't know why. I'll go and see Ty later in the week, but until then, I guess I've got some soul-searching to do.

Please pray for me.